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Pre-Order Tough Talks for PR Pros – Starting Today!

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:03:33 +0000

(Book ships first week of March)

116-pages of techniques and tools to help you tackle the most difficult business discussions with more finesse and less stress
Easy-to-read and accessible, with anecdotes and case studies that illustrate a common problem and a tried-and-true solution
Includes Tough Talks self-assessment and step-by-step process for conquering your avoidance gremlin
With special code at the back of book giving you access to great bonus material
Plus, 25% discount, and a signed bookmark!

What Tough Talk Are You Avoiding?

What is the cost to your business and your sanity?

It’s possible there are some who take delight in confrontation, but the fact is that most of us rank unpleasant workplace discussion a few rungs below shark attack on the universal ladder of enjoyment.

Unfortunately, tough talks are a fact of business life. And here’s another fact: they don’t always go smoothly or even as planned. People are emotional beings and sometimes they just don’t want to “hear it.”

The good news is that there are basic strategies that can help make confrontations, verbal skirmishes and angry exchanges far more manageable.
Public relations professionals, for whom this book is dedicated, are some of the most extroverted people in the world. Ironically, they are also some of the most non-confrontational people on earth.

Before PR pros can be the masters of tough talks at home or professional life, they need to develop the habit of having them. No one is born with this ability, it must be learned along life’s journey. This fun-to-read book is packed with sound principles and proven tools to help guide PR pros with those tough talks they need to have with clients, colleagues and employees. You’ll learn the power of framing and how omitting extraneous details can make bad news easier to swallow.

And it will demonstrate how confronting difficulty head-on – thoughtfully and sympathetically but without ego or emotion – can earn you the respect and admiration not only of the other person in the room, but of everyone else in the office.

This book is for executives, managers and human resources professionals in public relations — or, any industry where dealing with difficult conversations is part of the job. From firing an employee, pointing out offensive behavior, or confronting a difficult client, this book has the answers.

PRE-ORDER TODAY!

Why You Should Have a Tough Talk

admin — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:43:30 +0000

As I wrote two weeks ago, your values will guide your tough talk. Understanding what you value and what is important in your life, will guide you in deciding whether to have a tough talk and how to approach it.

A Tough Talk is not an angry talk. It is meant to be productive. It is meant to make things better.

If we take a look at values, let’s start at honesty. How do you know if that value is being challenged?

You and your boss have been working hard together in cohesion and are beginning to see the fruits of your labor. But then something happens. All of a sudden your boss begins to keep information from you. And you hear it through the grapevine that you apparently dropped the ball on something (which you didn’t). But nevertheless, you are beginning to get cut out of the loop. You mention it to your boss and he says he is too busy and forgot to give you the new information. So, now not only is your boss not being honest, but is lying, either by commission or omission depending which side you believe. A Tough Talk is now needed.

What can come of having a tough talk?

Understanding EQ Creates Win-Win

admin — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 12:46:37 +0000

Let’s jump right into the topic for this week: Emotional Intelligence, or EQ. We all know what IQ is, but IQ does not help you have a Tough Talk. EQ can and does. EQ is defined as: “Emotional intelligence is the innate potential to feel, use, communicate, recognize, remember, describe, identify, learn from, manage, understand and explain emotions.”

When it comes to business and managing clients and/or employees, it is all about having empathy towards others, building healthy, rewarding relationships based on responsible decisions.

So, not only are you nervous about having a Tough Talk, but now you have to worry about all the emotions involved. That’s why having an understanding of EQ is helpful when planning and executing a Tough Talk.

I like to think that adult relationships and kid relationships are very similar. Think back to kids with sports cards or pogs or whatever they trade on the playground or collect through their birthday parties. Kids are great at negotiating trades, win-win situations for each other. Kids just want to be happy. I believe at our core ““ as adults ““ we too want to be happy.

The late renowned child psychologist, Haim Ginott, used to advise that if your child accidentally were to spill a glass of milk, you should not attack his personality, exclaiming “You’re a klutz, you always were a klutz, you always will be a klutz, — but, instead empathize wit him over the fact an unfortunate mishap had taken place, and “let’s clean it up together.”

That’s the key to Tough Talks: working together.

Values Guide Tough Talks

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:14:12 +0000

Before you have the actual Tough Talk, you have to decide that it is the path you want to take. (Chances are, if you’re thinking about it, it is the correct path.)

But the toughest talk you will probably ever have is the one you’re going to have with yourself about having the Tough Talk. I devoted an entire chapter of the book to this area.

In order to shift from thinking “I need to have this Tough Talk,” to “I will have this Tough Talk,” the key is knowing your values.

What are “values“?. To the dictionary, values (both as a verb and a noun) is defined as “to consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance.” That is easy enough to understand and apply to life.

A few values:

Honesty
Integrity
Fairness
Compassion

In general, a Tough Talk comes out of a value feeling threatened and understanding the value that you have and in what way it is being threatened. That will help you determine how to go about having a conversation.

How can having a difficult conversation help address a value that is in conflict?

Your Tough Talk

admin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:30:00 +0000

The beginning of a new year is always an exciting time. Why? Because it is a symbolic “new beginning.” Wouldn’t it be great if it really were a new beginning where all the problems and challenges that you forgot about over the past few weeks actually had been fixed and now you world were back in alignment?

Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. Problems that aren’t dealt with continue to fester and scratch at our emotions. As I teased in my last post of 2011, I spent the end of the year working on my book, Tough Talks, which will be out at the end of February. Tough Talks, when planned for and with the proper mindset, can have a considerable impact on turning those difficult situations around and creating opportunities from problems.

It was a subject matter I have spent my career studying and learning about and after working and coaching on the subject and seeing this challenge nearly everywhere I went, it was time to create a guidebook of sorts.

Tough Talks are hard by definition. My definition of a tough talk is a conversation that truly involves two or more people addressing an important gap in behavior or performance and ends with a clear commitment to a solution that, if not a win for both sides, at least provides something both sides can live with.

Just like you set goals with yourself (hopefully) the end result of a Tough Talk is an actionable solution.

As the book launch gets closer, each week I’m going to dive a bit deeper into Tough Talks, but for now, I want you to think about a situation that is in need of a tough talk.

(photo via Michael Clesle)

What is holding you back from having it?

Here’s to 2011!

admin — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:56:15 +0000

This year has been incredible – unbelievable and life-changing. To quote Charles Dickens: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

This past month you have not heard from me a lot, but that is for good reason. For starters, I got married! At the same time, my spouse and I have been rebuilding our home, devastated by Hurricane Irene. Happy to say, things are definitely on an upswing.

But I have also been putting the finishing touches on my book, Tough Talks for PR Pros: How best to say what needs to be said to clients, colleagues and employees, which you will hear more about in January, so stay tuned for that. The book will offer new and different ways to approach difficult business discussions. While this first book is focused on the PR industry, the techniques and philosophy can be used by anyone.

In honor of the end of the year, I thought it would be nice to look back at some of my best received and favorite blogs from the past year.

My Personal Hurricane Journey

Ten Leadership Lessons From My Wheaten Terrier, Bueller

Harry Potter Leads the Way

3 Traits of a Balanced Leader

How to Practice Confidence

Thanks for a wonderful 2011!

Be Grateful

admin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:19:50 +0000

Gratitude is a great topic for a blog post, any day of the year, but particularly around Thanksgiving.

(Photo via flickr.com/photos/23881436@N05/)

Sometimes, when I am in a funk – which doesn’t happen often – I forget to remember all of the things for which I am grateful. The list is long. Today, I am grateful for my partner, my dog, a sound mind, my health, my family and friends, a roof over my head, wisdom and creativity, a career as a coach, instructor, author and speaker, which allows me to serve others in meaningful ways, the ability to laugh at myself, endless opportunities, and so much more.

How do you practice gratitude? For one, consider helping someone in need. How else? I would love to hear your ideas.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Rebuilding

admin — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 12:42:31 +0000

It’s hard to believe that is has been two months since Hurricane Irene hit. It has been two months since I experienced such devastation to my home and the stress of being part of a rescue. It has been two months since life turned upside-down for me, and through the experience, learned some amazing life lessons about gratitude, living in the moment, being vulnerable and asking for help.

With the news of power outages and falling trees that occurred as a result of the recent freak snowstorm here in New York City, memories returned, and it gave me a moment to reflect on what happened those months ago, and where I am now.

Amazing how life can turn around! We are back in our home and putting down new floors and replacing the water damaged furniture and kitchen. All the repairs that have to be done right now are in progress. Rebuilding and replenishing feels good.

And as I repair and rebuild my home, I am also experiencing a sense of incredible renewal in my relationship and my business. My wedding plans are well underway with the special day planned for December 11th. I am experiencing the immense joy that comes with taking these vows.

I am putting finishing touches on my first book, “The PR Pro’s Guide to Tough Talks.” It is one of the most exciting things I have ever done.

This past summer, I turned 50 and I am beginning to understand now what people mean when they say,”The best is yet to come!”

In what areas of your life are you renewing and rebuilding?

Guest Post: Ending Client Relationships

admin — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:43:38 +0000

This post first appeared at ProfNet Connect. I am quoted from my new book, Tough Talks for PR Pros*, and wanted to share with you all! The book is coming out in early 2012.

Dear Gracie,

I’m a PR agent, and I have a client who is very rude and demanding. I’m not sure what to do about this. Should I confront the client and tell him what they’re doing wrong, in the hope that they’ll change? Should I just cut my losses and terminate our contract? Should I actually tell them that they’re rude and demanding, or should I just end it without saying why?

Fatigued Flack

*******

Dear Fatigued Flack,

Five PR experts from the ProfNet community offer some advice:

“Client relationships are sort of like dating,” explains Tracy Bagatelle-Black, account manager at RLM Public Relations. Sometimes they can be great, but sometimes they can be messy, and ending them can be difficult.

Over the years, Bagatelle-Black has seen relationships with clients end in many different ways, but she’s always stuck to one rule: “No matter what happens, interactions should remain unemotional and on a professional level only.”

Because unlike dating, client relationships include legal implications and rules that need to be followed in order to maintain an intact professional reputation, she says.

Why to End Relationships

Thomas Madden, chairman and CEO of TransMedia Group, recently ended a relationship with a client because the client was “just plain nasty,” to the point that Madden and his staff no longer wanted to work with them. “The client was paying a good fee, but came along with waves of abuse, in between whining and complaining about the great media exposure we were getting him, which was not, in his judgment, ‘perfect.’”

When Madden decided to call it quits with the client, he exercised a clause in his contract that allowed for a 30-day cancellation notice with pay — but because of the abusive nature of the client, Madden’s lawyer advised him to terminate even earlier than that. The client berated Madden afterwards and disputed the charges with the credit card company.

In retrospect, Madden suggests writing into contracts that if a client pays by credit card, all such payments are final, and will not be charged back or disputed with the credit card company.

Bretton Holmes, president of Holmes World Media, will fire a client if they don’t follow protocols, like trying to contact the press themselves. “This is a big ‘no no’ and grounds for us to cease all activity and require them to remit the remainder of their balance due,” he says. “The truth is, clients are usually upset because they think they deserve to be featured somewhere, when really they have no business being featured there. That has less to do with us and the job we’re doing, than it does with their personality, product or service.”

Holmes has also fired clients for requesting unethical practices or badmouthing his agency. “Frankly, if a client badmouths me, it only makes them look bad,” he says.

Relationships can end on positive terms too. Madden recently resigned an account with a building developer in Florida when they wanted Madden’s agency to publicize a development that happened to be right next to another client’s development.

“It was a different story when they were building in different parts of the state and not competing head to head,” says Madden. But once the clients were working on developments in the same town, one had to go. “We decided to stay with the longer tenured client,” says Madden. “When we explained our reasoning, the departing developer was very understanding and fine with it. We ended our relationship with him in a very friendly way.”

How to End Relationships

“People who work in public relations are some of the most extroverted people in the world,” says Alan Cohen, president of Acts of Balance Executive Coaching and Training and author of the upcoming book, “Tough Talks for PR Pros.” “Ironically, they are also some of the non-confrontational people on Earth.”

The higher the position you have within an organization, the more important it is to address situations involving difficult clients, says Cohen. “When managers avoid the situations, the problems tend to fester and create even more negative energy. The avoidance sends a message to the staff that bad behavior is tolerated.”

Cohen says PR agents use excuses like, “I lack the training to handle these types of conversations,” “It’s out of my comfort zone,” or “It’s too political,” to avoid confrontation with a client.

But when these reasons are overcome, the benefits are enormous, says Cohen. You and your staff will feel empowered, and you’ll end up developing closer and more collaborative relationships with your other clients. People will respect that you have the courage to address a tough situation.

When you decide to terminate a relationship with a client, you need to prepare for the confrontation, says Cohen. These conversations can be slippery slopes, so winging it is not a good idea.

You also need to consider you and your clients’ state of mind before you talk about your issues, he continues. Your client won’t be receptive to your talk if they are confused, depressed or exhausted, and likewise, you can easily say something you didn’t mean to if you’re stressed.

But definitely don’t wait until the situation explodes. “The great hope is that the problem will work itself out. This is the great false hope. Choose the right time, but don’t keep putting it off,” stresses Cohen.

Once you decide to have the conversation, frame your decision in terms of the client’s best interests, says Vicki Rackner, executive director at The Pain Stompers Foundation, founder of The Caregiver Club and owner of Medical Bridges. Say something like, “Our focus is helping you get the best outcomes.” Don’t make it personal — just comment on the results you and your client get together.

When pointing out what went wrong, don’t bombard your client with too many examples, says Cohen. One or two examples of what they’ve done wrong will suffice.

And be careful not to have the talk in front of other people, says Cohen. “PR life can be hectic, but that is not an excuse for pointing out flaws in front of others.”

Remember to listen to your client too, says Cohen. “A tough talk isn’t a monologue where you get to tell another person, ‘You know what your problem is?’ This should be a two-way street.”

Don’t be too attached to being “right” either, he says. “New facts and viewpoints often arise during a tough talk. Proving that ‘I’m right and you’re wrong’ is counterproductive.”

After the conversation, you could even suggest who the client might fit better with, says Rackner. Say something like: “I think you would do best with someone with a special interest in XYZ.”

Be sure to formally end your relationship in writing too, so that it is clear to both parties that the contract is over, reminds Bagatelle-Black. Clients could try to claim you didn’t get enough stories to justify payment, perhaps to get out of paying or just to make you look bad, so make sure you keep notes on what you are working on for your client, as that comes in handy during court cases, she says.

“You can have a disagreement and even fire someone without rancor or recrimination,” says Madden. “It’s bad enough when situations become adversarial, so you don’t need to light up the anger fuse, which will only make it worse.” Remain reasonable and resolute.

Bagatelle-Black has taken two clients to collections agencies before, both of which resulted in legal action. In those cases, she was careful to leave the drama to the collections agency and the lawyers, and never got involved in any mud-slinging. “Stick to the high ground and you will always win,” she says.

Bagatelle-Black stresses how important it is to remain civil. She once filed a suit against a mentor from a previous job. “We kept it on a professional level, and many years later, he called me up to do work for him again.” She’s also had clients go on hiatus, but then return when they had more money. “If I had taken it badly when they left, they never would have come back.”

Bagatelle-Black also says that she’s known clients who can be a hassle when they work for one company, but at a new job, can be much more laid back. You never know when you might work with a client again, so don’t burn bridges.

Gracie

The Art of Listening – October Newsletter

admin — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:25:26 +0000

In this month’s newsletter, we will explore that most taken-for-granted skill of listening. If you think you are a great listener, this will be a fantastic refresher, and if you think your listening skills are not quite up to par, hopefully, you will get some great tips to improve your skill. And, if you haven’t given the topic much thought, well, then, you probably will really benefit! And if you haven’t heard a word I have said… (insert laugh here).

There is so much noise in today’s world. In fact, just last week, Twitter announced that there were 250 million Tweets per day. Yes! 250 million tweets per day! Facebook now boasts 800 million users. And that is on top of the e-mail, text messages, spam mail and work we have to listen to.

That’s why this month’s topic is so import. If you want to add value to your work, your life and your company, refining your listening skills will increase your odds of success.

If you are interested in chatting and having me listen, please drop me a line.

Sincerely,

Alan Cohen, President
Acts of Balance Executive Coaching

Subscribe to the free monthly newsletter and get it in your inbox!

Are You Listening to This?

“Interruption-free space is sacred. Yet, in the digital era we live in, we are losing hold of the few sacred spaces that remain untouched by email, the internet, people, and other forms of distraction,” Scott Belsky, in his recent blog post, What Happened to Downtime? The Extinction of Deep Thinking & Sacred Space.

“Our cars now have mobile phone integration and a thousand satellite radio stations. When walking from one place to another, we have our devices streaming data from dozens of sources. Even at our bedside, we now have our iPads with heaps of digital apps and the world’s information at our fingertips.”

And you wonder why listening has become so difficult? With so much noise, how can we possibly hear what is being said?

Listening is one of the most vital communication skills as a leader, the flow of new information and new perspectives communicates compassion and concern.

To be listened to and truly heard is a gift that we can give to each other. It acknowledges and validates the person(s) being listened to. Listening at an intuitive level, encourages and moves a person into the moment and allows access to their higher being. Not listening decreases and drains energy for both the listener and the person being listened to:

A few tips to improve our listening:

1. Pay attention

Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.

2. Look at the speaker directly

Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal! Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. “Listen” to the speaker’s body language. Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

3. Show that you are listening

Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention. Nod occasionally. Smile and use other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

4. Provide feedback and “Sounds like you are saying…”

Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?” Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

5. Defer judgment

Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.

Listening Resources

Articles and Videos
Julian Treasure: The 4 ways sound affects us (Video on TED.com)

How to Really Listen (Harvard Business Review)

Art of Listening (Brodow.com)

The Art of Listening (Psychology Today)

How to Listen (Forbes.com)

University of Colorado Study on Listening

Acts of Balance Blogs:
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